When it rains...

Julianne is SOOOO sick... except for the one morning she woke up and couldn't sit up or walk, this is the sickest she's ever been.  Her nose is completely blocked but it's leaking like crazy and it's all raw and red from when I wipe it.  She has this awful cough and I know her throat must hurt because every time she coughs she cries and then whimpers.  She's not sleeping well at all.  She did okay last night but the two nights before that she slept in my bed and neither one of us slept more than a couple of hours.  I put her to bed in her crib tonight but she is so miserable and I don't like the idea of her being in another room when she can't breathe, so when she woke up crying I brought her to my room and got her settled in "Mama's Big Bed," as we call it.  She's sleeping now, but I can tell she's having trouble breathing.  So I have a feeling it's going to be another long night.  I want to take her to the doctor, but she's not running a fever and I know the doctor's going to tell me there's nothing they can prescribe and to run hot showers and get the bathroom steamy, and use the saline drops and bulb syringe, yada yada - and quite frankly, I don't want to pay a $20 copay to hear something my mom has already told me.  But then I feel like a bad mom, like I should take her anyway.


My brother is getting married on Saturday and Julianne is a flower girl and even though I bought the dress for her, I'm just now finding out about all these other little pieces that I'm supposed to have, like IVORY shoes instead of white, a red sweater, ivory tights instead of white ankle socks, etc.  Normally I wouldn't care and just send Julianne with what I already had, but the bride's nieces (ages 3 and 23 months) are also flower girls and they'll be wearing identical stuff and I don't want Julianne to stand out.  So I called my future sister-in-law (whom I used to love, but ever since they got engaged she's decided she's too good to speak to me) to ask about the stuff and she told me that her sister bought it all at Target.  I've already looked at two Targets and didn't find any of the stuff.  So today I dragged my deathly ill child to yet ANOTHER Target and still didn't find a single little girl's shoe - not just in Julianne's size, but ANY size at all - in ivory.  Tons of white shoes; no ivory.  So now I don't know what to do.  Do I let her go in different stuff and be an individual and potentially iritate the bride?  Or do I keep going to different stores to see if I can find SOMETHING?

My high school best friend Michelle called me Monday to tell me she and her husband are expecting their third baby.  I'm ecstatic for them, especially because they tried for a year to get pregnant, but it was like a knife to the heart.  I want to be married.  I want to be having babies.  I am so jealous of her... but I would never tell her.

I wish Pete would get his act together... we both want the same things (at least, I think we do) but we want them on very different time schedules.  I want to get married and have more kids sooner rather than later, and he wants to get married and have kids WAAAAAAAAAAY later rather than sooner.  He is still carrying around so much baggage from his last relationship (ended more than 3 years ago) and can't let go of his ex.  I admit I come with a fair share of baggage too, but at least I don't lament to Pete how perfect my ex was for me, like he does about his ex.  Sigh.

And to top ALL of this off, my right arm is KILLING me!  The two nights Julianne slept with me, she slept propped up on my arm and I slept with it in some funky position, and now my arm is in so much pain, and the only thing I have with painkiller in it is Nyquil, which I don't need since I'm not sick!  Ugh!