I don't wanna complain, but...

Not only do I have to cook, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, change diapers, read ABC books, get up in the middle of night, clean up throw-up, worry at the ER, find lost shoes, tame tantrums, go to doctor's appointments, shower with the curtain half open and pee with a baby on my knee, I have to go to work all day, five days a week, to earn the meager amount of money that we subsist on. My shoes have holes in them, my clothes have stains, I use rubber bands in my hair instead of hair ties, my bills are all a month or more past due, I eat Ramen Noodles for dinner and wait till the gas tank is on E to fill it up halfway because I don’t have money to fix or replace anything and my daughter comes first when it comes to clothes, shoes and food.

I have to do it ALL BY MYSELF, ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. No one tells me they love me, no one tells me they appreciate me, no one watches the baby so I can run to the store for a forgotten item, I haven't been out of my house past 8 p.m. in over a year unless we're sleeping elsewhere, my house is a mess, my laundry is stacked up and there's trash on the back porch that needs to be taken down. I have no one to discuss the day with, no one to watch TV with, no one to laugh with, no one to fix stuff, no one to kill bugs, no one to lift the heavy stuff, no one to cry with and no one to share a bed with.

But I love my daughter more than life itself and I wouldn't go back and change a single thing I did for her to be here.

Prayers Needed!

This morning when Julianne and I woke up, we went out in the family room and I noticed that she was having a hard time with her balance - she would take two or three steps and then fall over. I was quite concerned but decided to give her a half hour to see if she would "shake it off." I could tell she wasn't feeling really well because she fell asleep on my lap for about 20 minutes, which she never does unless it's bedtime. When she woke up, I put her back on the floor and she couldn't even get into a standing position - just fell right over backwards. I called the pediatrician and while I was waiting for a return call I decided to see if maybe she was hungry and put her in the high chair. I didn't even get her food out before she started projectile vomiting all over the place. Thankfully the doctor called while I was cleaning her up and told me to take her to the ER.


We went to the ER and they took her in right away. She was still vomiting and still had no balance. They did blood work, a urinalysis, and an ear and chest exam - all negative. They also tested for flu and strep - nothing. She just kept vomiting - it was dry heaves and she was crying so weakly - I felt so bad for her. The rehydrated her with saline and did a CT scan. While we were waiting for the results I had several panic attacks and was crying like crazy. They said it would take 45 minutes to get the test results back- 2 1/2 hours later, the doc came and said there was nothing blatantly obvious on the scan, but there was some movement because Julianne moved during the test, so if she's not better in a day or two they'll repeat it. The doctor said he was okay with letting her go home as long as I swore I would take her to the pediatrician first thing in the morning and that if I couldn't get in, I was to come back to the ER immediately and if she wasn't better they would admit her.

We got to the ER at 9:30 and left at 3:30. We spent the rest of the day at my parents' house and she was still having problems - still vomiting, even Pedialyte and breastmilk. Her balance is still very bad. I tried to let her crawl around on the floor and she fell and hit her tooth, making it bleed, so we had her in the playpen so she could bounce off the walls without hurting herself. The doctor doesn't know what 's wrong and it's driving me crazy not knowing! Of course my brain has run every possible HORRIBLE course. It doesn't help that Dr. Google doesn't have any answers for me. The worst part, though, is that she doesn't understand that she can't walk and keeps trying to get up, but keeps falling. It's heartbreaking.

If you could spare some prayers, I would really appreciate it. I'm still worried sick about her but at least she's sleeping for the moment. I think it's the best thing for her at the moment and I hope she's good as new in the morning. I'll update as soon as I have info.



Thank you!

Ah... the weekend at last!

This school year is starting off as very hectic, crazy and busy!  But what else should I expect, right?

Life in general is very busy and hectic.  We had Julianne's birthday party last Saturday, September 5th at Sanlando Park.  It was a nice time!  Pap-Pap grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and Nana made macaroni salad.  I made rice and bought the cakes and the drinks, as well as all of the decorations.  Several people RSVPed that didn't show up, so I had a lot of food leftover, but that's okay.  I can eat it all myself (well, Julianne and me!).  She got lots of nice presents, namely clothes and books, but got some really awesome toys, too.  She's already enjoying playing with everything!  She has such a wonderful little personality - she's a total character!  She rolls around on the floor and arches her back and gives me attitude - I shouldn't laugh, but sometimes it's just so cute to see this tiny little person stick her bottom lip out and start pouting!  I thank God for her every single moment of every single day.  She is honestly the light of my life!

Well, sorry the update is short but it's bedtime!  More will come in the next few days.