So...... over it.

I am so frustrated with Punkin, I don't know what to do. I am about to lose my mind with her. She is an absolute force of destruction. Everything in my house is broken, or ruined, or will be soon. She pulled my coat rack over and broke it in half. She purposely spills her juice on the floor so she can squish it on the carpet. She puts her baby dolls in the water table, then brings them inside and soaks my carpet. She'll have fishy crackers for a snack, and crumble them up in her hands and spread them on the carpet. She ripped the side of her hamper. She tears pages out of books (no matter how good a job I think I do at weeding out all the non-board books, she always seems to find others). I brought home a stack of spelling tests to grade and she got ahold of them and scribbled on most of them and ripped two of them in half. She broke my new cell phone AT THE EXACT MOMENT I took it out of the box - she just grabbed it from me and broke it. She gets into the bird cages and dumps their seed out, both in the cages and on the floor. She takes my DVDs off the shelf and takes them out of the cases, and now I don't know where most of them are because they're lost in the Kingdom of Toddlerland. My carpet is filthy... I can't stand the way it looks. I have someone coming to clean it on Friday, but I wonder what the point is because I know it's just going to get jacked up again soon. When my house is untidy, it makes me feel dirty and stressed and unorganized, and it feels that way all the time because I simply can't keep on top of things since I'm doing this alone.

I have tried putting things up and out of her reach, but she is extremely strong-willed and agile. This morning I went to the bathroom and when I came out, she was standing on the kitchen counter, trying to get her potty treats down from on top of the refrigerator. She has figured out all of the cabinet locks, the toilet lock and the fridge lock. She opens the drawers in the kitchen and pulls out the dish towels. Yesterday she got into the fridge and spilled an entire pitcher of iced tea on the floor. I get her dressed to leave, and then the moment we're in the car, she takes off her shoes and socks, takes out her hair bows and wiggles out of any other piece of clothing she can, so when we get where we're going, I have to re-dress her all over again which takes so much time!

We only live in a two bedroom apartment, so it's not like it's a huge house, but she does all of these things in the blink of an eye, even when I'm watching her. I feel like I spend so much time cleaning up after her, I'm just allowing her to get into more trouble. She's very hyperactive and needs a lot of physical stimulation, but I simply can't take her outside and keep her on the playground all day, you know? I have things I have to do as the only adult in the house - cooking, attempting to clean, etc. I've tried time-out, a smack on the butt (it didn't work and I hated doing it), yelling, talking to her, taking away toys, etc. NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK!!!

Before you think too badly of her, know that she is really a beautiful, sweet, loving, smart child. She's extremely verbal - at night, we lay in her bed together and just talk about all the things we did that day, and she can tell me anything she needs or wants. She's so smart - she can reason and use logic and count and recite books and even read a few words. She loves me to death - she loves to give me hugs and kisses and sit or lay with me. I truly do love that child with every fiber of my heart and soul every moment of every day, even when I'm about to lose it with her, so I don't want you to think I hate my kid or something - nothing could be further from the truth.

Of course it doesn't help that her dad seems to think he's the new expert on child rearing and says she's not like this at HIS house, because HE keeps her under control and keeps her stimulated, etc. He loves to tell me what I'm doing wrong (both with Punkin and in my personal life, which I've told him to butt the hell out of, thankyouverymuch) and it infuriates me because he sees her, what, 4, MAYBE 5 days a month? If it's convenient for him? I have her the other 25 days of the month and I'm WORN THE HELL OUT. There is no one to help me... occasionally my parents will watch her for me but they always give me a big guilt trip about it. Then they have the nerve to ask me all the time when I'm going give them more grandkids. Even after Brenden dumped me last week, my dad kept asking me when I was going to start dating again so he could have more grandkids. I desperately do want more kids, but for the love of God, SHUT THE HELL UP! I am struggling enough with life as it is! And I'm certainly not having any more kids when I'm a single mom!

Please don't tell me that she's 2 and that it's normal and that it will pass. I know she's 2, I know it's somewhat normal, I know it will pass, but at THIS moment in time, I am exhausted, and worn out, and frustrated, and burnt out, and broke, and angry, and ready to send her to live with the monkeys (and send my parents, too).